Painfully Stupid
by Tokyo Kitty
Summary: Some things just deserve a smack upside the head. Like when Reno doesn't follow orders and ends up getting hurt. Now due to his stupid actions he can't go on with the others but stay and push papers for a while with Tseng. TsengXReno


Painfully Stupid

A Tokyo Kitty Production (I need a new author introduction)

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII or any of it's characters. All I own are my own strange ideas and the ramblings of my editor and I as we watch bootlegged Advent Children. So don't sue me I already said I don't own nothing.

Warnings: You know the usual for me. Perversion that eventually leads to sex. No like no read.

A/N: Hello all! Been awhile since I posted anything. I'm sorry for that. I can't get my work up on my own computer anymore due to my parents lurking over my shoulder. Ha! Like I care! Anywho, this was spawned from watching Advent Children. We thought Reno was insanely cute. (not spoiling) Someone asks Cloud to be a body guard and Cloud was about to say yes to it. Then Reno blurts out that it's to help rebuild Shinra and then Cloud downright refuses. Then everyone yells at Reno. This is spawned all from one quote that my editor thought of "That you were stupid enough in the first place deserves punishment." I thought it was hilarious. Anywho, this fic isn't in Advent Children. This is placed in the game after the team leaves Midgar and Reno gets hurt. Which is originally why Elena is a Turk. But that isn't important. Basically all I'm trying to say is it's in-game not future past, AC, or any of that craziness. But I might eventually venture into those areas. Just not with this fic.

'I really do hate white. Everything in this damned room is white. White walls, white bed, white tables, even white blinds. The nurse said I'd be getting out today. That is, if he'd ever show up to come and sign my release papers. Every waking moment I spend in this room is a nightmare. I wish I was back on the job. Hell, anywhere is better than this hospital room. If it hadn't been for Cloud in Sector 7 everything would've gone just fine. Ah well not much I can do now.' He thought trying to move his arm that was in a sling. He winced at the pain and decided it was better to stay still.

The door opened soundlessly and a nurse stepped in. She smiled brightly at the red haired man. "I have good news!" She chirped. Reno internally winced at the overly happy attitude. How anyone could work in this hospital and be that happy astounded him. "Your release papers have been signed and you are free to go. Oh! You have a visitor too." The nurse smiled, bowed politely, and then practically bounced out of the hospital room.

"Glad to see you're awake." Tseng said closing the door silently.

"Yo, Boss." Reno drawled. Even using a formal name all of his speech always came out lazy and half-assed. But then, this is Reno we're talking about. "Where are the others?" He asked as Tseng sat down on a stool near the bed.

"In Junon at President Rufus' coronation ceremony. Where you're supposed to be." He added with a tinge of spite.

"That isn't my fault. You were late with your arrival. I didn't know if you were gonna come or not. Plus, I wasn't expecting to run into opposition." He raved waving his hurt arm that was still in a sling. It didn't hurt anymore but he had no clue how to take it off.

Tseng sighed putting a hand to his temple. "I don't even want to argue about this...The point of the matter is you've been pulled from mainstream for a while."

"What?" Reno burst out sitting straight up in bed. "Come on, Boss man, you can't do that to me."

"It wasn't my decision. It was one of President Shinra's final wishes. You are under my eye for a little while Reno. Give it about a month and I'm sure President Rufus will reinstate you." Tseng said flippantly. He didn't seem to really mind the 'transfer' and Reno's look of pure shock was almost too funny to pass up.

"But...but...Tseng..." His voice was almost whining. Almost, Turks don't wine. A whole month away from his partner, Rude? That was just harsh. He had to bear it though. Orders from the President, especially the deceased one, were best to be followed out. Lest he ensue the President's son's wrath or be haunted by ghosts. Worse yet Tseng. Reno chuckled to himself at the mental image of being chased by a ghost of the President and Tseng. The next month was going to be interesting.

"There's no negotiation, Reno. The fact that you were that stupid in the first place deserves punishment." Reno pouted at Tseng's blunt comment. Tseng had to resist the urge to laugh. "Anyway, you're with me and we should probably get out of this hospital." He said coolly. He helped Reno get out of bed, since the first attempt had ended with Reno nearly toppling to the floor from not using his legs for a while.

Once Reno could stand on his own Tseng left the room for Reno to change. He shut the door leaning on the white wall next to it. The nurses and doctors hustled by him with rarely more than a glance. He paid little heed to them turning his thoughts inward. His thought slowly moved to the Turk behind the door. 'If Reno wasn't such a spaz he'd probably be a marvelous assassin...or a friend. Strange how those two things coincide when you work for Shinra...' Tseng mused smiling slightly. His smirk seemed to scare away a few of the nurses who had stopped to stare.

Was that all Reno meant to him though? When President Shinra had assigned Reno to him as punishment Tseng had barely even cared. Well he had, but it hadn't caused him to feel joy. He had worked as a team with Reno prior to now, so why the emotional spike? Tseng thought he had better control over his emotions. 'Never let mind interfere with work.' That was something he lived by. Reno was part of that. It didn't help any that he was Reno's boss. The scandals things would create at work would be sensational.

Better to avoid it all together, right? At least that's what he kept telling himself. But it was getting harder and harder to justify that mentality. It wouldn't help that he'd be around Reno for a whole month either. Wasn't that what he wanted?

'Dammit I'm going in circles again...' Tseng thought trying to close off that particular train of thought.

Just in time Reno reappeared on the other side of the door fully dressed. He looked at Tseng with his best "puppy eyes" look trying to say 'please please please let me go back with Rude.'

Tseng understood Reno's body language perfectly and shook his head. "For the last time Reno, no. Bothering me about it every five minutes is only going to make it harder for you."

'...and give me a headache.' He thought with a chuckle. Reno decided to give up. He wasn't getting anywhere with this. Rude would just have to fend for himself with the newbie. Rude wasn't exactly smart but he was strong. He just hoped brute force would be enough for a month or so.

They exited the hospital walking out into the dark night-time streets. The stars were skewed even on the upper plate due to the light haze of smog that polluted the slums of Midgar. They got into Tseng's car and drove away from the hospital Tseng knowing perfectly well the directions back to Reno's apartment.

On the way to Reno's apartment, they planned to meet again at headquarters the next morning so that Tseng could brief him on their missions during Reno's time of suspension. Reno agreed with little argument starting to warm up to the idea of Tseng as his partner. They pulled up to the slightly shabby apartment and Tseng dropped Reno off driving away back to his house.

Despite being a well-paid Shinra employee Reno refused to live on the upper plate in a nicer place. He'd grown up on the streets and he was used to it there. Although his associates didn't think too highly of it, since when did Reno care what they thought about him? Reno reached his apartment door and reached into his left pocket searching for his keys. They weren't there. This confused him because despite looking horribly disheveled he kept a level of controlled chaos and always kept his keys in that pocket. Shrugging he searched his others noticing that he did not have them.

"Damnit..."He muttered recalling that his only spare was with Rude. He sighed grudgingly picking up his cell phone and dialing Tseng's number. "Boss isn't gonna like this..."

Tseng had just arrived home and sat down in a chair to read a book when he heard across the room the ring of his cell phone. Putting the book back down he walked across the room to pick up the phone out of his jacket pocket. "Hello?"

"Hey...Tseng, it's Reno." Reno said meekly on the other side of the line.

"I can hear that" He responded sarcastically. "What is it you called for?"

"Well...I seem to have lost my keys...and Rude's the only one with the spare set.

Reno could hear on the other side of the line a not-so-stifled sigh of frustration from the older man. "Just what am I supposed to do about this?"

"I was uh...wondering if maybe I could spend the night at your place...Please?" He added at the end.

Reno could almost visibly see his boss shaking his head on the other side of the line. "Alright, I'll turn back around and come to pick you up. Be there soon." He hung up before Reno could thank him or even say good bye. That was Tseng speech for 'I'm pissed off right now and it's all your fault'. Reno put the phone back in his pocket and punched his apartment door cursing. The door made a low boom mocking him as he recoiled his hand in pain from hitting the hard metal door.

'Goddamnit today just goes from bad to worse.' He held his hand trying to control the throbbing pain. He trudged back down the stairs to the first level of the apartment complex to wait for Tseng.

Tseng picked him up a few minutes later with a sideways glance to Reno's bright red hand he was nursing. "What did you do this time?" He asked more rhetorically than to Reno.

Reno just muttered shutting the car door behind him. Tseng decided not to press the issue when he saw Reno's deep scowl. He opted to simply drive turning on the radio to play some quiet jazz.

Reno remained silent the whole way to Tseng's house. Tseng lived rather close to Reno's apartment but on the upper plate. So it took a while to get to the right road that would take them upwards. "Thanks Boss." Reno finally said breaking the silence between them.

"It's Tseng, and don't mention it Reno. But, couldn't you have just broken into your own house?" He asked. Reno was after all a Turk. It was kind of embarrassing that he couldn't break in.

"Maybe if it was a cheaper door. When ya live in the slums you make doors outta tougher stuff. They're hard to break into." Reno said still staring out the window. Tseng nodded. This made sense in his mind. Theft was after all common in the lower slums of Midgar. Reno not being able to break into his own house was a good sign that he'd found a way to keep thieves out.

When they arrived Reno got out of the car and waited for Tseng to follow. "Would you like ice for your hand?" Tseng asked as he unlocked the door letting Reno in first. Reno nodded politely and Tseng stepped in after him closing and locking the door. Tseng lived in a moderate sized house. The front room consisted of a small foyer to remove ones shoes in and then a main room with a couch and table along with other things. Reno felt like someone had opened a portal and transported him into Wutai. The inside decoration looked like the large houses strewn throughout the Wutain landscape.

There was a soft light coming from several small lamps strewn throughout the room. Everything was decorated in bright reds and deep golds. Reno removed his shoes and stepped onto the dark hard wood floor. Tseng did the same but walked in a different direction over to the conjoined kitchen to fix Reno a bag of ice.

The more Reno thought about it he realized he'd never been in Tseng's house. Come to think of it, he'd never spent much time with Tseng outside of work. Maybe they'd gone out for drinks a few times but it had been a long time ago. Reno sighed wishing that he had more time to spend with Tseng.

"Something wrong?" Tseng handed him the bag of ice sitting down on the couch.

"Ah, no, not at all." Reno quickly covered. "Thanks for the ice...Tseng." He said using the older Turk's name. He joined Tseng on the couch covering his hand with the bag of ice.

They sat in silence for a little while. Reno couldn't help but enjoy the presence of the older man as they sat relaxing. The air smelled sweet, like incense. 'Trust Tseng to have incense' Reno chuckled to himself. But it did smell good. It was slowly throwing Reno into a sort of trance. The colors of the room seemed all the more pleasing all of a sudden. It put him at peace and made his hand hurt less.

"Reno? Reno? You okay? You're blanking out." He heard Tseng's voice like something off in the distance. When his vision finally re-cleared Tseng was a few inches from his face a hand on his shoulder shaking him gently.

His mind was still slightly clouded and all he did was grin lopsidedly at Tseng. Before Reno knew what was happening his lips connected with Tseng's.

Later, Reno would blame the incense. It was like a drug for him slowly driving him to madness. Feelings he had never even fully realized he had came out and unfolded to create something out of a wet dream.

The strangest part though was Tseng was kissing back.

Reno's arms wrapped around the Wutain man's neck drawing him closer. Reno's tongue darted out of his mouth to lick along Tseng's lower lip asking for passage. It was given and Reno delved into the heat of Tseng's mouth.

When they finally parted for air Tseng simply stared in bewilderment at Reno. That had not been something he was expecting. Sure he thought Reno was beautiful but he hadn't expected Reno to return those feelings. Had Reno even known that Tseng liked him? If Reno had figured it out the that meant the whole office had to know by now. Tseng began to fret but his worries were turned to a hush as Reno's mouth reconnected with Tseng's again. Reno dropped the half melted ice pack and it hit the floor with a dull splashing thud.

Tseng hovered slightly over Reno from having been leaning over to see what was wrong. Reno pushed Tseng back to his original position and then slowly moved to sit on top of him while sucking lightly at Tseng's lower lip. Tseng moaned into Reno his hands straining to hold onto the back of Reno's jacket.

Reno pulled back once again his hands resting on Tseng's shoulders. Tseng's eyes fluttered open and he observed their current position. "What was that?" His voice came out slightly lower but none-the-less smooth as the silk that covered nearly every surface in the room.

Reno felt a pang of guilt. Maybe that hadn't been the smartest idea to kiss him again. "A kiss?" He said questioning it slightly himself.

Tseng laughed, "Your definition of a kiss could get a girl pregnant!" He choked out amidst laughter. Reno laughed too but before he could really get going his chuckles were stifled by Tseng's lips.

This kiss was far more powerful than the last accompanied by hands that attempted to throw Reno's jacket to the floor. It slid off his shoulders and hit the floor soundlessly. Tseng's mouth moved to lick slowly along Reno's jaw bone dragging a long groan out of the red-haired Turk

His hands tensed on Tseng's shoulders squeezing not so gently as Tseng licked and bit lightly at his earlobe. Reno's hands left Tseng's back and began to fumble over the haphazardly closed buttons of his own dress shirt.

Tseng pulled Reno's hands away from his shirt staring at him with lust filled eyes. He leaned close to his ear to mutter huskily one word: "bed".

Reno complied sliding off of Tseng's lap and standing next to the couch. Tseng then stood beside him and leaned in to kiss Reno. After a moment his hands snaked around his waist and Tseng began to slowly draw Reno backwards down the hall to his room.

Each step backwards for Reno was an adventure in itself. He clung to Tseng clumsily stumbling backwards down a hall he didn't know all the while having Tseng's tongue down his throat. Yes, this was definitely not what Reno had had in mind when he had called Tseng to ask him if he could come over. But, Reno thanked whatever god was out there that he had lost his keys when he finally backed up against a door and Tseng's hands moved from Reno's side to caress his chest through his shirt.

Reno moaned into Tseng's mouth untangling a hand from the older man's waist to grope around for the door knob. The door released soundlessly and they both stumbled into the room. The room was decorated in the same crimson as the rest of the house but also with rich cobalt blue. Red Chinese lamps hung from the ceiling casting a faint red glow through the room. It made the cobalt color of the walls appear slightly purple in places where the light created shadows.

Tseng regained his footing faster than Reno and used that advantage to push Reno backwards onto his bed with a smirk. Reno fell unceremoniously onto Tseng's bed and he tried to regain a more graceful sitting position. His eyes locked with Tseng who had just closed the door and now was slowly unbuttoning his blazer and removing his tie. In the dim lighting Tseng looked even more beautiful than he usually did and Reno couldn't help but shiver when Tseng's white dress shirt hit the floor and the sleek Wutain man sauntered forward towards Reno's position on the bed.

"You're overdressed." He whispered in Reno's ear. Reno felt a wave of heat wash over his entire frame and then settle between his legs. He couldn't recall when his slacks had began to feel so restrictive but then the only thought going through his mind right now was how he wanted out of them.

Tseng gave Reno a predatory look. His hands connected with the buttons of Reno's dress shirt while his mouth latched onto the nape of his neck. The red head's breath hitched and he sat helplessly on the side of the bed as his shirt was thrown to some corner of the room. There was a shift of weight on the bed when Tseng sat down to straddle Reno's hips. Reno moved his hips straining to feel some kind of friction to relieve the pressure that was quickly piling up in his groin.

One hand combed through his long black hair feeling the soft silken strands while the other snuck around to the opening to the Wutain's pants, pulling down the zipper. Tseng lifted his hips enough for the pants to hit the floor soon followed by his boxers. He then pushed Reno slowly backwards onto the bed shifting his weight so he wasn't lying entirely on top of Reno.

Reno's pants and underwear soon joined the pile of clothes on the floor and hands were finally free to roam of each other's bodies. Tseng pressed his lips to Reno's in another heated kiss. "Are you sure about this?" Reno could feel Tseng's breath on his lips as the words were uttered.

"I would've been out the door by now if I weren't, Tseng." Reno smirked at the slightly disappointed look on Tseng's face he received as the Wutain's mind processed that turn of events. "Luckily, that isn't the case now is it?" Reno added watching Tseng's face mimic his own smirk. Mouths were silenced in another heated kiss and Tseng's hands caressed further down Reno's chest to the thin line of hair leading to the hardness pressed against the inside of Tseng's leg.

Reno moaned into Tseng's mouth giving Tseng the opportune moment to plunge his tongue deep into Reno's hot cavern. Tseng's hand wrapped itself around the red head's hardened flesh and began to stroke him in time with his tongue moving in and out of Reno's mouth.

This suggestive act made Reno buck his hips up into Tseng's hand. Reno pulled Tseng farther onto himself pressing their bodies together trapping Tseng's hand between them.

"Please, I need you now," Reno whispered unable to make his voice any louder. Tseng heard his request and shifted slightly to reach the side table drawer. Retrieving what he wanted he sat back on his heels.

"On your stomach, please." Tseng half commanded half asked. Reno did as he was told turning over and pushing up onto his hands and knees. He rested his head on his elbows trying to look behind his shoulder to see what Tseng was doing.

Tseng put the tube he had used to put lubricant on his finger on the bed. He smiled lovingly at Reno. "Just try to relax. It will make this feel better." He pushed a single finger into Reno's tight entrance and received a muffled groan. "Relax," Tseng hissed reaching around to stroke Reno's weeping erection.

Reno chocked at the combination of pleasure and pain. It hurt like hell to have Tseng's fingers in him but his other hand stroking his erection in time with his thrusts was sending signals of pleasure all over his body. Then Tseng's fingers pushed deeper into Reno's body causing all the pain to turn into white hot pleasure. Reno cried out bucking back on Tseng's fingers. Tseng smiled and added a second finger aiming for that spot again. It hurt slightly at first but once again melted away to pleasure.

By the time Tseng had added a third finger, Reno was a moaning mess of nerves. Tseng figured he was well enough prepared and removed his fingers and hand from Reno's cock grabbing the bottle of lube he'd set aside. Tseng coated his erection in the clear liquid and positioned himself to enter him.

He leaned up for a moment to kiss the juncture of Reno's shoulder with the back of his neck causing a little shiver to wrack through Reno's already over-sensitized frame. He slowly pushed forward holding Reno's hips in place. He whispered words of encouragement in Reno's ear until he was fully sheathed within the red-head. Reno was so tight Tseng figured Reno must be a virgin in this and would have to apologize later for perhaps taking things to fast.

Reno moved his hips backward slightly pushing Tseng even deeper into him. Tseng shuddered and began to move taking that as his cue. The motion started slow, Tseng tried to keep his need in check not wanting to hurt Reno. "Please, faster," Reno's needy plea cracked the remains of Tseng's control and he moved faster to satisfy Reno's request.

Tseng's arms wrapped around Reno's waist one hand slowly caressing his balls while the other hand teased the head of Reno's erection. Reno cried out Tseng's name like a prayer bucking his hips back to meet Tseng's powerful thrusts. Tseng angled his hips a fraction and thrust back into Reno dragging an heady scream from him. Tseng's breath hitched as Reno's already tight channel grew tighter around his cock.

That was all Reno could take as Tseng thrust mercilessly against his prostate combined with Tseng's hands speeding up on him. He moaned Tseng's name loudly releasing into Tseng's still stroking hand milking Reno's orgasm out of him.

Reno grew impossibly tight around Tseng as Reno came and he gave one final thrust before burying himself deep within Reno and releasing his hot seed. Reno's knees collapsed out from under him and he fell flat against the bed exhausted. Tseng pulled out lying down next to him, drawing Reno into his arms.

After a few minutes of regaining his breath Reno spoke. "Hey Boss man, can we do this again some time?"

Tseng couldn't resist the urge to laugh out loud. His strong laughs filled the air soon joined by Reno's even though he had no idea what they were laughing about. Tseng had to laugh at the name Reno used to address him. Of all times to use it this had to be the worst. Then again maybe it was Reno's idea of a really bad pet name.

Tseng calmed down finally to be able to answer Reno's question. "You've got a whole month stuck with me at the office. I'm sure there'll be plenty of time when there isn't any paperwork to do."

Reno smiled. "One more thing Tseng. Where'd you get that incense and what is it?"

"Oh, that? Rude gave it to me as a birthday present a few months ago. He said he'd gotten it in a bazaar in Cosmo Canyon. He never did tell me what it is though." Tseng said recalling the strange out-of-character smirk Rude had given him when he had opened it.

"Ah well, I'll have to knock it out of him when I see him again." Reno shrugged snuggling closer to Tseng. "Now I'm going to do what I came here to do."

"And what would that be?" Tseng couldn't even remember why Reno was originally even in his house. It all seemed a long while ago.

"Sleep," Reno said simply closing his eyes. He missed the kind, loving hand that brushed the bangs out of his eyes only to have them fall right back. But what he didn't miss was the almost silent whisper of 'I love you' that Tseng uttered before shutting his own eyes.

"I love you too, Tseng." Reno said back finally drifting into a well needed sleep.

Miles away Rude sat in a meeting in Junon utterly bored without his energetic red haired partner. 'I wonder if Tseng ever used that opium incense I bought him for his birthday from Cosmo Canyon...' He thought giving up on the meeting entirely to fall into his own thoughts.

To Tseng and Reno the incense name would forever remain a mystery. Not that either of them minded.

A/N: Awwww the ending got all fluffy. Only to be nuked by Rude and his Opium scented incense. The actually do sell the stuff. There's a store I go to that has it. But it isn't real Opium because that'd be illegal. At least I like to tell myself it isn't...;; Ah well hope everyone is pleased. I've got a bunch of fics I want to start writing for Fullmetal Alchemist so that's probably the next fandom I'm going to rip my way into. Sadly, they might be postponed because I got this great idea for a huge epic fic. So we'll see what happens. Stay tuned for more of my work and pleeeeease review!


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